The systems implemented by the Gang over the years are put into place with the primary goal of getting laid. Several variations have appeared to date, many of them having official titles and steps. Listed here are the established systems to date:
The D.E.N.N.I.S. System Edit
One of the most well-known, the D.E.N.N.I.S. System is a scheme devised by Dennis Reynolds to emotionally manipulate women into sleeping with him. He claims that he's devised this system in such a way that it leaves the door open for any future re-D.E.N.N.I.S.-ing of any of the women he's seduced with it. The steps follow as such:
- Demonstrate value
- Engage physically
- Nurture dependence
- Neglect emotionally
- Inspire hope
- Separate entirely
The episode it's introduced in shows us the steps acted out with pharmacist Caylee:
- He refills the prescription for his grandmother's medication, demonstrating his value.
- He coerces Caylee back to his apartment after their dinner reservations fail, where Mac (playing a crucial role in the system) causes them to watch their movie in Dennis' room, where they have sex; thus, he is engaging her physically.
- Dennis makes threatening phone calls to Caylee as an angry neighbor, causing her to seek comfort from Dennis and nurture her dependence on him.
- These phone calls keep occurring, but dues to Dennis' neglecting her emotionally, he doesn't come to her rescue this time.
- Dennis visits Caylee at night to inspire hope, claiming he was scared to love her but has allowed her to break his shell. This causes them to have the best sex, as it is very emotional.
- He then slips out, never to be seen again, separating entirely.
The plan is not foolproof, as is proven several times after its introduction:
- Charlie struggles to demonstrate his value to the Waitress after breaking into her apartment to fix her sink, nor can he do so by speed pitching at her carnival booth. His plan to nurture her dependence fails as well when the carny he hired to stab her stabs Dee instead. ("The D.E.N.N.I.S. System")
- Dee, thinking Ben the Soldier is D.E.N.N.I.S.-ing her, attempts to turn the system against him and demonstrate her independence, which only leads to her getting lost in some woods. She later attempts to make him jealous by flirting with a carny, neglecting him emotionally, but only gets her stabbed. ("The D.E.N.N.I.S. System")
- Dennis himself attempts to re-D.E.N.N.I.S. Caylee by re-demonstrating his value, only to find her skeptical of the grandmother he is buying the prescriptions for. He then recruits Gladys to be his grandmother, but it all crumbles when she finds out about the system and leaves with Ben. ("The D.E.N.N.I.S. System")
- Dennis listens to an audio tape of one of his conquests. At one point, Mac enters the room, and Dennis, listening to the tape, complains that now he will have to demonstrate his value again. ("Thunder Gun Express")
- Dennis begins to explain to Christie (Tim Murphy's black wife) his use of the D.E.N.N.I.S. system to bang her after she mistakes him for being gay, which only disgusts her and makes her leave. ("The High School Reunion (Part 2)")
- Dennis attempts to use the D.E.N.N.I.S. System to pick up girls at a "buncher" party at Paddy's, but it fails miserably, both because of Mac and Charlie's awkward attempts to "help" him end up revealing that Dennis is using a system on them. ("The Gang Group Dates")
- Dennis is clearly using the system on a mom at the park, making up a story of his dead wife, when he is interrupted by a girl named Abby, who turns out to be every bit the con artist he is. ("The Gang Goes to a Water Park")
Steps of the D.E.N.N.I.S. System can be used for non-sexual conquests that involve manipulation as well, as shown in the episode "Mac's Mom Burns Her House Down", when Dennis suggests to Frank that he take a sick Dee back to his apartment, because she is too comfortable in her own, thus nurturing Dee's dependence.
The M.A.C. System Edit
Mac develops his own system to pick up all the D.E.N.N.I.S.-ed women, playing off of his "nerdy roommate" persona he uses to help Dennis. There is really only one step that makes up the acronym:
- Move in
He's shown doing this by dressing up in his sweater and reading glasses, being the "shoulder to cry on" for Dennis' ex, thus demonstrating his value and inspiring hope. He's also seen bringing Caylee to the carnival and talking about how he was beat up by bullies in school for being a nerd. This would seem to be fabricated as a conglomeration of D.E.N.N.I.S. System steps, possibly demonstrating his dependence or inspiring emotional engagement, tricking the women into seeing him as vulnerable. And then "boom, we hump". ("The D.E.N.N.I.S. System")
The SCRAPS System Edit
Frank's system, which is merely coming in after the M.A.C. System, is not an acronym. He simply demonstrates his value to women by buying/dropping a Magnum (or "monster") condom for his monster (or "Magnum") dong in front of women, then flashing his wad of hundreds at them. This signifies that he's "ready to plow". According to Mac, he "feasts, like a mantis". When adopting his Dr. Mantis Toboggan persona, he tries to break Caylee down by convincing her that she has H.I.V., which would allow him to slip in. This breaks apart the delicate ecosystem that coincides with the D.E.N.N.I.S. and M.A.C. Systems. ("The D.E.N.N.I.S. System")
The D.E.E. System Edit
- Do Them
- Establish Low Rating
- E? Increase power… infuriate them… Empower
Her system is used exclusively through dating websites, where she coerces men into sleeping with her, and then gives them a low rating online, thus establishing her dominance. She has trouble coming up with a full acronym, struggling with the second "E". But it's okay, because "it doesn't matter, the word doesn't matter!"
The Implication Edit
According to Dennis, the allure behind owning/being on a boat is to get women drunk, make them comfortable, and then offer to have sex. An offer they cannot refuse...because of the implication. Specifically, the implication that if they refuse to have sex, something might go wrong for them out on the open sea. They are never in any real danger, but the implication of danger is what will cause them to have sex. The woman is free to say no, but never would say no...because of the implication.
Dennis is thrown off when Mac is horrified by this system, who believes Dennis just wants to put women in danger. Both are equally frightened when they believe the implication is being used on them by a group of fellow boat enthusiasts, but are relieved when the "tasty treats" turn out to be attractive women and not themselves. Mac attempts to use the implication on a pair of tasty treats, telling them that things are much more romantic on open water, where they can "make rash decisions based on fear". ("The Gang Buys a Boat")
Dennis struggles with his lust when Mac brings the Gang on a Christian cruise, due to the obvious implications of being on a boat. Sure enough, after demonstrating his value to a young girl by sending her a drink, he corners her in a hallway of the boat during a thunderstorm to return the I.D. he stole off of her (she was born in 1996, so she checks out). He tries to discuss how cool he finds the storm, but recognizes he seems sinister due to the loud claps of thunder. He mentions how nobody would be able to hear them scream over the winds, and, after he puts up his arm to avoid letting her leave ("There's uh..there's nowhere to go"), mentions that he would like to
come go in her room, saying "I suspect that maybe you might say no, and yet..I also feel like maybe...you wouldn't dare." He is genuinely shocked when she runs off screaming, claiming that "it wasn't a rape" and "she was never in any danger". ("The Gang Goes to Hell")
The Insinuation Edit
After saying Dee wouldn't understand his view of the implication, Dennis gets to hear about Dee's own spin of it- the insinuation:
"It's like when I'm alone with a guy, and he gets all skittish about banging, so I "insinuate" that it'd be a shame if my account of what happened was different than his, and he ends up getting a call from the sheriff. And then boom, we plow."
After hearing about this, Dennis seems impressed by the technique. ("The Gang Goes to Hell")
It's possible this is a tactic that is used alongside Dee's unnamed tactic of insulting men, breaking them down emotionally until they're willing to have sex with her, such as the cases of Rex and Ben the Soldier. ("Dee Gives Birth")
Tactics used by Charlie Edit
- He pretends to have cancer after seeing the Waitress with a Lance Armstrong bracelet, so the Gang would pity him and approach to Waitress to go on a date with him. ("Charlie Has Cancer")
- He shows Dennis that Mac is sleeping with Dennis' mom, which convinces him to try and seduce Mac's mom; this occurs in front of the Waitress. Dee, instructed by Charlie, later tells Dennis that in order to get the upper hand against Charlie, he must try to seduce Charlie's mom, which again is seen by the Waitress. This is meant to have the Waitress sleep with Charlie as the ultimate aggression against Dennis, but it backfires when she instead seeks out and bangs Dennis' father. ("Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom")
- He strings along Ruby Taft in order to make the Waitress jealous, as well as see how much worse her life would be without him. This accomplishes her restraining order against him to be reduced from 100 feet to 50. ("Charlie and Dee Find Love")
- After hearing about Dennis' secret child from their Wade Boggs challenge, decides to trap the Waitress with a baby- a baby trap. ("Dennis' Double Life")