"Frank's Pretty Woman" is the first episode of the seventh season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
Frank wants to marry a prostitute and the gang can't talk him out of it. While Dee sets out to help the hooker with the second act of her life, Charlie takes a different tack: Devising an elaborate scheme to set Frank up with another woman, one who will like Frank for who he is. Meanwhile, Mac has put on 60 pounds of weight. "I'm cultivating mass," he tells Dennis.
Recap
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11:30 AM on a Monday
Dee and Charlie call animal control attempting to purchase a junkyard dog to protect Paddy's. As they explain to Dennis that junkyard dog bites make good stories, animal control hangs up on them. Mac enters with a trashbag full of chimichangas and the rest of The Gang comments on how fat he is. Frank enters with a crass prostitute named Roxy and tells the gang he is in love with her and intends on marrying her.
Dee, Dennis, and Mac are concerned about Frank's decision so they try to help Roxy clean up her act. She collapses drunk on the floor, then smokes crack. This is no longer a safe enviornment for Dennis given his prior addiction. Dee agrees to help Roxy girl-to-girl, while Dennis helps Mac with his weight problem.
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At Charlie's apartment, Charlie and Frank boil denim they found under a bridge. Charlie tells Frank he has arranged an online date as an attempt to find someone who likes Frank for the real Frank. At a high-end fashion store, Roxy and Dee attempt to buy clothes. Roxy pours vodka on a $500 jacket and when an employee asks if she can pay for it so pulls out a gigantic wad of cash. Dee is impressed and the employee is scolded by his manager. At a doctor's office, Mac and Dennis debate "mass" verses "fat." The doctor tells Dennis that his attempts at being thin by malnourishing himself has caused him to become anemic. The doctor informs Mac that he is not healthy either, he has Type 2 adult onset diabetes.
On the date, Charlie poses as a wealthy man from the South while Frank poses as his limo driver. The two pick up Charlie's date and Charlie pretends to get ill, he tries to convince the girl that she should continue the date with Frank the Limo Driver. However, Charlie swallowed handfuls of fake blood capsules for effect and ends up vomiting all over her multiple times. At Dee's apartment, Roxy's client "Tiger Woods" shows up - the same actor who impersonated Donovan McNabb in "The Gang Gets Invincible". Dee agrees to get paid $500 for letting him massage her feet and decides to become a "Foot girl." At Paddy's, Mac and Dennis eat chimichangas while Mac gives himself shots of insulin. Dennis decides he has been holding himself back and that he wants to live with no reservations and decides to ask Roxy for something he has been craving for a long time—crack.
Having all failed their missions, the gang all meets back at Charlie's apartment for Frank to propose to Roxy. While Frank proposes, Roxy collapses to the floor. Frank checks her vitals and finds she has died. Dee admits she has been smoking crack "In the car on the way to the apartment and also all day long," so no one is surprised. Dee admits to having smoked a little crack too, which makes Dennis angry and jealous. The Gang makes an executive decision and moves the dead hookers body into the hallway and to call in an anonymous tip from a payphone. The Gang all seems to agree this is the best way to handle the situation, Frank belives that's what Roxy what have wanted.
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Recurring Roles
- Geoffrey Owens as himself impersonating Tiger Woods
[3x2]
Guest Stars
- Alanna Ubach as Roxy
- John Walcutt as Doctor
- Cort Hightower as Jerry
- Erin Matthews as Abey
- James Stellos as Manager
Trivia
- This episode first screened at San Diego Comic Con 2011.
- Alternate title of this episode - "Frank's New Whore Wife".
His old whore wife is Barbara Reynolds (RIP). - This episode is a mocking of "Pretty Woman" staring Julia Roberts and Richard Gere - according to Frank, it's a "bullshit movie".
- "Hey, Good Lookin'!" by Hank Williams plays while Charlie and Frank are in the limo. However, in the exclusive Amazon two-minute sneak peek video for this episode, there was no music.
- "Oh, Pretty Woman" by Roy Orbison plays during the closing credits.
- When Mac ask's "What's that smell?", Dee and Dennis know instantly that it's crack (a reference to "Dennis and Dee Go on Welfare" in which they get hooked on crack). Hence Dennis leaving because "this is no longer a safe environment" for him and Dee's conflicted look.
- Frank possibly has an older sister: "I feel like I'm a... I'm a four year old going to my sister's wedding". Either that or it is just a figure of speech.
- The name of the Charlie's oil tycoon character is Hoss Bonaventure, CEO - he's a casual millionaire from Texas. This cowboy has been previously seen on the show - in 04x02, but without this name: Charlie was called himself as "oil man from Dallas".
- The junkyard cat that Charlie mentioned was Agent Jack Bauer from 03x14.
- This episode have earned the strongest ratings in the history of Sunny - 2,28 millions of U.S. viewers.
- GIF: Charlie barfing blood
- "Just do it" is the slogan of Nike. which Tiger Woods (well, the real one, anyway) is a spokesman for. In his previous appearance, the actor (who is hinted to be Geoffrey Owens playing himself) was impersonating another athlete, Donovan McNabb, and spoke another corporate slogan, "I'm lovin' it", for McDonald's.
- Roxy says Dee's feet are "freakishly huge". In the episode "Who Pooped the Bed?", Dee says that her shoe size is 13.
Quotes
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— | “Look, we're going to rehabilitate the dog. We don't want it to attack other dogs, now we would like for it to attack people. And if the dog, or when the dog bites a customer that person then can go home and have a great story for their friends.” |
| “Yeah, you can be "Dude, I got bit by a pitbull at Paddy's. It was awesome!"” | — | 
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— | “You're dating a prostitute?” |
| “Not for long. I'm going to make that whore my wife.” | — | 
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- Roxy: What are you cocks looking at?
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— | “The other day we were hanging out under the bridge, we found a box of denim, and I'm like "these look like good jeans in here," and [Frank]'s like "Wanna split them with me 50/50?" That's a nice thing to do.” |
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— | “Stop wearing clothes you find washing up under bridges.” |
| “Oh they're boiled. We boil all our denim.” | — |
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— | “You look fat as shit! I'm getting very concerned with the integrity of our organization here. Mac, you have gained 50 pounds of fat.” |
| “Mass.” | — | 
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— | “Fat.” |
| “Muscle.” | — |
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— | “Let's be clear. Fat.” |
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— | “People change, Frank. Look at me: I went from a tiny twink to the muscle-bound freak you see before you.” |
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— | “You are becoming a chimichunga!” |
- Dennis: We just want to help you make some changes in your life. Get you some new clothes. Perhaps teach you some manners.
- Roxy: Shut up, baby dick.
- Dennis: Well, I'm out of here.
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— | “I'm going to help Mac. The man is carrying around trash bags full of Mexican food.” |
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— | “She's not going to be able to resist a night like that. A date with a limo driver!” |
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— | “I am going to look 20 forever, Mac, because the older I get the more vigilant I become. I don't eat lunch anymore, for instance. And on odd days, I don't eat breakfast.” |
| “That sounds miserable!” | — |
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— | “I am constantly in motion. Right now, I am doing leg lifts that are imperceptible to the human eye. They're called hummingbirds. And although I seem relaxed, I am actually incredibly tense at all times.” |
- Mac: But I'm healthy besides the diabitis.
- Doctor: Um, no.
- Mac: But I'm more healthier than he is, is the point I think you're trying to make, even with the diabitis.
- Dennis: Dude, stop saying "diabitis"! You sound like an ass... Oh...
- Roxy: Hey, this jacket is awesome! Ooh, and it's tighter than dick skin, man.
- Roxy: How do you like me now, gay boy?
- Dee: Now, don't call him gay. It'd be one thing if he wasn't, but he clearly is, so...
- Dee: You're blowing my mind. You life is way more glamorous than I thought it was.
- Roxy: Yeah, yeah. Now help me dig these crack rocks out of my ass.
- Dee: That's what I was picturing.
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— | “You don't look like a millionaire.” |
| “I'm a casual millionaire from Texas.” | — |
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— | “Hoss Bonaventure, CEO.” |
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— | “I'm kind of into bridges myself. I found a whole case of eggs under a bridge last week. Perfect condition. None of them missing, none of them cracked. I mean, who in their right mind throws away a perfectly good case of eggs in this day and age.” |
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— | “I got bit by a crab under that same bridge. Have you ever been bit by a crab, hun?” |
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— | “I think I've been poisoned by my constituents!” |
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— | “I swallowed like a million capsulets because I was going to cough a handful of blood, to make it real. Now I'm thinking like you're not meant to eat them or something because they're making me really sick.” |
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— | “I love eggs! and I love crabs! and I like boiling denim and banging whores!” |
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— | “What do you want more than anything else in the entire world?” |
| “Well, what do I want more than anything else in this entire world?” | — |
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— | “Yes.” |
| “Well... Crack.” | — |
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— | “I have a feeling I'm going to like these shirts a lot more when I'm as high as shit on crack.” |
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— | “Roxy. You are good shit. And I want to make this legit. I'm still going to pay you, but I want you to stop banging other guys. What do you say, want to be my wife or what?” |
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— | “Roxy. God bless you. You were a good whore. You serviced me like no other whore ever did. Not only my crank, but my heart. I'm going to miss you. Amen.” |
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— | “So, should we get the dead whore out of the apartment... ?” |
| < Season 6 |
Season 7 | Season > 8 |
| 1. "Frank's Pretty Woman" 2. "The Gang Goes to the Jersey Shore" |